The Hardee's loomed in the dark evening. Once again the air conditioning could not keep up with heat of the kitchen and the heat of a Missouri Summer. The heat had it's effect on the customers this dinner rush. The drive-thru attendant, slightly mad, saw to the needs of angry drive-thru customers. Honestly, is it wise to yell at someone before they give you the food? He could have sworn that he had been killed and transported to Hade's fast food restaurant, where he would slave away at the sins of his short life. Evidence to this fact was the heat, the demonic nature of his patrons, and the way the drive-thru bell sounded. Each bell rang like the sound of his name. Yes, he was in Hade's or he was crazy, which may have been a close second. Then like a tornado, the rush came and went. In the wake left things to be cleaned and organized. The manager of this onslaught relax to a cup of coffee. The drive-thru attendant helped the fry cook clean up his mess and give him a well deserved smoke break.
Oddly, in the peace of the aftermath, there was a commotion. The drive-thru attendant heard the sound of yelling, followed by the voice of authority. A struggle filled the air, then silence again. The manager moved out of her office and disappeared in the front. The drive-thru attendant moved curiously to the front also, after a time. The grill was quite a mess after a four-dollar-an-hour-over-worked grill guy showed his Hardee's how much he thought four dollars worth of work was. The cashier girl was crying and the manager was attempting to consul her. The cashier girl had pretty cat-like eyes. The sounds of yelling was again heard.
Crazed voice said, "Stupid bitch, calling the cops on me! DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?!?"
The drive-thru guy looked at the manager and she told a tell of how the crazy man in the lobby was selling stolen credit cards and the police left him there. The crazy man looked as if he had changed his clothes in weeks. The manager didn't know why he was still there, yet he continued to yell obscenities at the cashier with the pretty cat like eyes. The drive-thru attendant asked the manager why she didn't do anything about it. The manager said she was afraid he would kill her. One look at the cashier gave the drive-thru attendant all the strength he need to not to fear death.
The drive-thru attendant approached the crazy looking man and asked him if he could help him in anyway. The man threw some more obscenities toward the cat-eyed cashier and said he would like a cup of coffee. The drive-thru guy bravely told him he would give a cup to him, for free, if he stopped yelling at the cashier. The crazy man then stated that he was a spy and the Russians were out to get him. He was a top operative in the CIA and, if he showed the drive-thru guy, he would be forced to kill everyone in the restaurant. The drive-thru fella explained that the cashier had just lost her family and was no way a spy for the Russians. In the end she was not his enemy.
The crazy man said, "Oh yeah, She thinks she knows pain. She thinks she knows pain. I lost my whole family in a car accident!" Then the man pulled out a card and stuck it on the thumb of the drive-thru attendant. The card STUCK to attendant's thumb.
The crazy man's eyes glazed over and he said, "Brain fluid, sticky like glue!"
Slightly horrified, the drive thru guy fetched the crazy man's free coffee. While in a java transit, the drive-thru attendant decided to play fire with fire. The coffee arrived and the drive thru guy began a tale of how this Hardee's was a CIA outpost and the crazy man was in danger from the Russians. It would be best if the crazy man was to leave and the cat-eyed cashier had done him a favor.
The crazy man apologized to the cat-eyed cashier for his out burst. He, even, thanked her for calling the police on him and left.
The cat-eyed cashier gave the drive-thru guy a kiss for his heroics and quick thinking.
Monday, January 31, 2011
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Fun Interpretations
We find wit and wily Bible style, but take a min to do the proper thing. Interpretations are spirits and well I guess there is a rule...Test those suckars. (1 John 4:1{*1 see below}) and if you add or remove it, you will be the one who screws it (Rev 22: 18,19{*2 see below})
With this madness in mind, lezz play with a widely known and interestingly interpreted verse. Psalms Twenty Three: Like one thru part of, or half of three............or..........Pslm 23:1-2.5
NIV: The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul...
King James: The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures. He leadeth me beside still waters. He restoreth my soul....
The MSG: GOD, my shepherd! I don't need a thing. You have bedded me down in lush meadows, you find me quiet pools to drink from. True to your word...........,
The Act-Out Bible: Don't let anyone rock your boat! Maintain. It's all her for you. You have come a long way, by accepting God's gift of individuality, you will transcend barriers...(Gitelman, 1993)
The MacRancy's Family Fun Bible: Mayor Fat Mac has made MacRaneyland fun for all to enjoy! He allows us to play in the forest of Hot Pies, and splash in the gurgling fountain fo Icee-Frostees. He redeems my coupons...(Gitelman, 1993)
The Upscale Bible: Everything God make is mine for the taking! He's given me high yield money market funds for the short term and tax free investments to roll over into IRAs. He provides me junkets...(Gitelman, 1993)
The Emwood Park Community Bible: Why are you suck an ungrateful slob? Look around you, pe@#erhead! Look at all this good stuff dat God's freakin' given yous. You got the forest preserve to play softball, you got da 7-11 for beer..It makes you feel good, ya know? ..........(Gitelman, 1993)
The Gangbanger's Guide to God: The lord is one fly-@$$, hustler, gangsta, OG, pimp, mutha. Yo, check it out. G! He created the crazy freaks to give me play. He gives me schoolyards and playgrounds to bust caps in. He bails me out when my bakc's to the mat...(Gitelman, 1993)
The NRA Holy Bible: I spoke to the Lord, after a lunch date with Ava Gardner. I found him on my private range in San Fernando. He was happy with with way film was going, though He was concerned about DeMille's ability to capture the scale and wonder of the Red Sea parting. We chatted for several minutes, and as He popped off a few rounds, he said, "Chuck... with one of these .30-.06's you'll never want." Narration by Charleston Heston. (Gitelman, 1993)
Well now we had fun....What did we Learn?
References:
{*1} = 1Jn 4:1 Dear friends, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, because many false prophets have gone out into the world. (NIV)
{*2} = Rev 22:18 I warn everyone who hears the words of the prophecy of this book: If anyone adds anything to them, God will add to him the plagues described in this book.
Rev 22:19 And if anyone takes words away from this book of prophecy, God will take away from him his share in the tree of life and in the holy city, which are described in this book.
Gitelman, Mitch (1993). Fully Strapped, Always Packed. Mayfair Games Inc..
With this madness in mind, lezz play with a widely known and interestingly interpreted verse. Psalms Twenty Three: Like one thru part of, or half of three............or..........Pslm 23:1-2.5
NIV: The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul...
King James: The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures. He leadeth me beside still waters. He restoreth my soul....
The MSG: GOD, my shepherd! I don't need a thing. You have bedded me down in lush meadows, you find me quiet pools to drink from. True to your word...........,
The Act-Out Bible: Don't let anyone rock your boat! Maintain. It's all her for you. You have come a long way, by accepting God's gift of individuality, you will transcend barriers...(Gitelman, 1993)
The MacRancy's Family Fun Bible: Mayor Fat Mac has made MacRaneyland fun for all to enjoy! He allows us to play in the forest of Hot Pies, and splash in the gurgling fountain fo Icee-Frostees. He redeems my coupons...(Gitelman, 1993)
The Upscale Bible: Everything God make is mine for the taking! He's given me high yield money market funds for the short term and tax free investments to roll over into IRAs. He provides me junkets...(Gitelman, 1993)
The Emwood Park Community Bible: Why are you suck an ungrateful slob? Look around you, pe@#erhead! Look at all this good stuff dat God's freakin' given yous. You got the forest preserve to play softball, you got da 7-11 for beer..It makes you feel good, ya know? ..........(Gitelman, 1993)
The Gangbanger's Guide to God: The lord is one fly-@$$, hustler, gangsta, OG, pimp, mutha. Yo, check it out. G! He created the crazy freaks to give me play. He gives me schoolyards and playgrounds to bust caps in. He bails me out when my bakc's to the mat...(Gitelman, 1993)
The NRA Holy Bible: I spoke to the Lord, after a lunch date with Ava Gardner. I found him on my private range in San Fernando. He was happy with with way film was going, though He was concerned about DeMille's ability to capture the scale and wonder of the Red Sea parting. We chatted for several minutes, and as He popped off a few rounds, he said, "Chuck... with one of these .30-.06's you'll never want." Narration by Charleston Heston. (Gitelman, 1993)
Well now we had fun....What did we Learn?
References:
{*1} = 1Jn 4:1 Dear friends, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, because many false prophets have gone out into the world. (NIV)
{*2} = Rev 22:18 I warn everyone who hears the words of the prophecy of this book: If anyone adds anything to them, God will add to him the plagues described in this book.
Rev 22:19 And if anyone takes words away from this book of prophecy, God will take away from him his share in the tree of life and in the holy city, which are described in this book.
Gitelman, Mitch (1993). Fully Strapped, Always Packed. Mayfair Games Inc..
Quoting can be fun
If I profane with my unworthiest hand This holy shrine, the gentle fine is this: My lips, two blushing pilgrims, ready stand To smooth that rough touch with a tender kiss............ AND.................................................... I am the master of the C.L.I.T. Remember this fucking face. Whenever you see C.L.I.T., you'll see this fucking face. I make that shit work. It does whatever the fuck I tell it to. No one rules the C.L.I.T like me. Not this little fuck.....none of you little fucks out there. I AM THE C.L.I.T. COMMANDER! Remember that, commander of all C.L.I.T.s! When it comes down to business, this is what I do. I pinch it like this. OOH you little fuck. Then I rub my nose with it.
Thank you Romeo and Jay
Thank you Romeo and Jay
Spied Fly
I looked around and did I spy
the buzzing of a little fly?
Did she fly over the earth
Looking for some maggot birth?
Did she do a little dart
Towards my reproductive parts?
She dip and dived and moved so grand
That I simply snatched her in my hand.
Lock in there with no escape
She flew around a tickled fate.
I thought a moment of her life
And then I smashed her out of spite.
I looked around and did I spy
The buzzing of another fly?
the buzzing of a little fly?
Did she fly over the earth
Looking for some maggot birth?
Did she do a little dart
Towards my reproductive parts?
She dip and dived and moved so grand
That I simply snatched her in my hand.
Lock in there with no escape
She flew around a tickled fate.
I thought a moment of her life
And then I smashed her out of spite.
I looked around and did I spy
The buzzing of another fly?
Sunday, January 2, 2011
Random Thoughts
I meet a man who was very successful dating girls and getting them interested in him. Curious, I didn't imagine he was all that attractive or interesting. After buying him a drink and assuring him that I was not interested in him, I inquired to his success. He told me, after another drink, his secret.
He said, "Son, I know your, ah, thinking that I aint an attractive man. You are also thinking I have some tiny hands. But I, here, have a secret that's better than length or gold. A secret taught to me, when I was just 18 summers old. You have to understand its quite a natural thing, so know I am going to tell you and make your dating sing. You have to work real hard and get real hot and sweaty. And all of the time thinking of smoking hot Betty~s. Then, you harvest your ball sweat and keep it in a jar. Because it's the recipe to take you with ladies far. Get yourself ready and go out to the club, take alittle of the sweat and give your eyebrows a rub. Then my young son, you'll never be out of love, hugs, and lady's rugs."
I inspect closer to this man's eyebrows and I must have seen an out-of-place hair. If this is the secret to success, I wondered if I could ever be successful.
Dejected and quite disgusted, I walked away. Some truths are not worth the knowing.
He said, "Son, I know your, ah, thinking that I aint an attractive man. You are also thinking I have some tiny hands. But I, here, have a secret that's better than length or gold. A secret taught to me, when I was just 18 summers old. You have to understand its quite a natural thing, so know I am going to tell you and make your dating sing. You have to work real hard and get real hot and sweaty. And all of the time thinking of smoking hot Betty~s. Then, you harvest your ball sweat and keep it in a jar. Because it's the recipe to take you with ladies far. Get yourself ready and go out to the club, take alittle of the sweat and give your eyebrows a rub. Then my young son, you'll never be out of love, hugs, and lady's rugs."
I inspect closer to this man's eyebrows and I must have seen an out-of-place hair. If this is the secret to success, I wondered if I could ever be successful.
Dejected and quite disgusted, I walked away. Some truths are not worth the knowing.
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